You are Not Defeated.

As some of you know, I’m a full time student, along with being a new mom with an almost three month old baby, and I serve on the weekends. For those of you who aren’t lucky enough to hear me rant on at least a weekly basis, let me just tell you that being a college student, a mother, and a server is about ten different kinds of crazy. My cousin asked me the other day how I was getting through it. I told her, “a lot of caffeine and the grace of God.” I was really only being partly sarcastic. Sometimes I really don’t know how I’m making it through. The past couple of weeks have been really tough. I’ve just had tons of projects and assignments due, I’ve barely gotten any sleep, and I’ve felt extremely overwhelmed with everything. I was have a really hard time.

Sunday, I decided to try to make it to church. J and I haven’t gone since he’s been born, because it’s just kind of chaotic to try to get both of us out the door early enough to go with Alex. But we were having some special guests, so I wanted to try to go. Daniel Bashta was leading worship, the guy who wrote the song “Like a Lion (God’s Not Dead).” I’ll admit, one of the reasons I decided to go was mainly because I love that song.

So I was standing there during worship, while singing “Like a Lion” and all I could think about was how overwhelmed I felt, and everything I had to do at home. I just sighed and thought “I feel so defeated.” And immediately, God gently said to me, “You are not defeated.” I felt a glimmer of hope and strength rise up in me. I wasn’t defeated? I wasn’t defeated! Then I started really focusing on the words to the song:

Let hope arise and make the darkness hide. My faith is dead, I need a resurrection, somehow….Now I’m lost in your freedom, this world I’ll overcome. My God’s not dead, He’s surely alive, He’s living on the inside, roaring like a lion

I felt like I could’ve written those first couple of lines. But knowing that God was still alive and roaring inside of me even though I felt lifeless and beaten did wonders for me that morning. I’ve had that song in my head non-stop since then.

One of my favorite images of God has always been a lion. I think it started when I became enthralled with the Chronicles of Narnia books. Ever since then, I’ve always kind of pictured Him like Aslan. I love Aslan. He’s strong and powerful, yet loving and gentle and kind and compassionate. I absolutely love this clip of Aslan and Lucy from the movie Prince Caspian (even though I really wasn’t a fan of the movie). I love how when things looked like they were over, Aslan shows up, just in time.

And then I love, love, love this scene. It’s honestly probably one of my favorite move scenes ever. Lucy goes to face the battle, even though she’s scared, because she knows Aslan’s got her back. So she walks up to the battlefield, faces the enemies head on, and pulls out this little knife. And the huge enemy army is looking around like, “seriously, she’s going to take us on with this little knife?” And then Aslan walks up behind her, and lets out this battle roar, and completely defeats the enemies.

So yeah, that’s what that song always reminds me of, and it really renewed my hope on Sunday. We are not defeated. Just keep telling yourself that, write it down and tape it around the house if you have to, but don’t forget it. I also think it’s important to be honest with ourselves and with God. It’s okay to say “listen, my faith is dead. Help me out here.” He’s a big God–He can handle it. He won’t be mad or disappointed. I believe He longs for us to stop pretending, take down our walls, and just be honest with Him. Only then can He breakthrough and start to help us. I love that we have a God on the inside of us who roars like a lion, but also speaks gently to us to remind us that He is still there.