The Days Are Long…

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As I’ve previously stated, and the one thing that all moms across the board can agree on, is that motherhood is hard. I’d go out on a limb to say that it’s the hardest work you’ll ever do. Yes, it is also the most rewarding. But there are some days when those rewards feel few and far between, right?

Last week, my husband was out of town all week, so it was just me and the boys. All day, every day. It was exhausting and stressful. Thankfully, I have some amazing friends and family that came by to let me get a shower, bring me food, and generally just make sure I was staying sane.

This week, my best friend is in the same situation. Her husband is out of town all week, so she’s solely responsible for their two kiddos. Although these weeks seem like the longest weeks of our lives, in the grand scheme of things, they go by quickly, and for the most part, we all come out unscathed.

While A was gone, I spent most of the week counting down the days and hours until he returned. But I find myself doing that even during normal weeks. I’ll look at the clock and think “oh my gosh. It’s only 1 in the afternoon.” Or J will be having a meltdown while I’m trying to make dinner and I think “Lord help me, there’s still 2 and a half hours until bedtime.” When G wakes me up at 3 AM to eat, I think “ugh, how much longer until you can sleep through the night?”

I need to stop doing that. I saw a quote online the other day that said “The days are long, but the years are short.” I’m not sure who said it, but they were right. Although sometimes the days seem never-ending, in the long run, time flies by. I cannot believe that my first son will be 2 years old in just over 6 months. And my second son is 2 months old today, already! I feel like it was just a few months ago that we were bringing J home from the hospital. Now he’s gone from a baby to a little boy, and his little brother is growing just as quickly.

When J was a newborn, I remember trying to get him to go to sleep one night. I was still full of postpartum hormones, and I was exhausted and at the end of my rope. I stood next to his pack & play, bouncing him up and down, and I thought “I’m going to have to bounce him all night for him to stay asleep. I’m not going to get any sleep tonight. I’m never going to get to sleep again.” And I just burst into tears.

Yes, it was a very dramatic thing to think, but in that moment, I was dead serious. You think some crazy things in your new baby, exhausted, hormone-riddled state of mind. But the point is, we got through it. I also remember talking to Becky one day, and I was so frustrated because J could not keep his binky in his mouth to save his life, and every time it fell out, he would wake up. So I was constantly up and down at night and during naps to put it back in. Desperate, I asked “When will he finally be old enough to pick up his binky and put it back in his mouth by himself?” She kind of laughed and said “Um….not for many months.”

And then one day, I stopped, and I realized: he could put his binky in his mouth by himself now. Yeah, it did take awhile. I mean, they don’t really have the dexterity and coordination needed for that task for awhile. But it happened. I wasn’t putting his binky in his mouth forever, like I thought I would be. Every season passes, and it passes faster than you expect it to.

Someday, sooner than I think, G will be sitting up, and crawling, and not so dependent on me all day every day. And J will be able to feed himself with a spoon without making as big of a mess as he does now (hopefully), and dress himself, and communicate more with his words. And then they’ll be in school someday. And then someday they’ll be teenagers. And I don’t really like thinking past that.

Because as long as the difficult days seem to be, they’re really passing by in the blink of an eye. And as hard as it is to have babies and toddlers, I feel sad when I think of the day that they don’t want to snuggle with me to read a book or take a nap. Or when they don’t need me to kiss their boo-boos. Or when they think that they’re too cool to hang out with their old, un-cool mom. Or when they get married and a new woman enters their life. So I’ll stop checking the clock every 20 minutes, and wishing that time would speed up so that I don’t feel so stressed and sleep deprived anymore (although I don’t believe that’ll ever fully go away, anyway). I’ll take a deep breath and remind myself that this moment will pass, quicker than I’d like, and I’ll cherish the time I’ve been given with these precious boys.

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Unappreciated Moms

So, I had these great, intelligent, thought-provoking ideas for this blog post. And then…well, life happened. The past two days have been rough. The boys have been fussy, and at least one of them has needed something every moment of the day. I would love for there to just be an hour–30 minutes, even–where both boys are content and don’t need anything. But sadly, I don’t see that happening anytime soon.

I love my boys, and I would never regret becoming a mom. But, wow. It is hard sometimes. It’s crazy how much it changes your lifestyle. Someday, when my boys are teenagers and they start complaining about how I’m not cool, and I don’t understand them, and I’m so old, I’m going to pull out old pictures of myself and say, “Do you see this? Mommy used to be young, and pretty, and fun, and cool, and you know what happened? You guys.” Haha

But for real. I used to blow dry my hair, and wear miniskirts and bikinis, and accessorize, and go out whenever I wanted to, and stay up all hours of the night (for fun, not because I’m feeding tiny humans). For the love, I actually used to wear yoga pants to look cute, not because they were the easiest thing to throw on (or because they’re stretchy enough for my post-baby body to be comfortable in). My best friend, Becky, and I talked on the phone today because we both needed some adult conversation, and I said, “Remember how when we were in high school, 9 am seemed so early? We would’ve NEVER called each other at 9 am. But now, we’ve been up for hours.” “Oh my gosh,” she replied. “It’s only 9? I’m ready for lunch.”

Me and Becky, pre-kids. We looked good. ;)

Me and Becky, pre-kids. We looked good. 😉

The past few days, I haven’t been able to eat like a normal person, or change out of my yoga pants, or really do much of anything for myself. All because I’ve been too busy taking care of the munchkins. It’s amazing what you sacrifice when children enter your lives. Moral of the story? Go call your mom! Give her a hug! Write her a note, take her out for a nice meal…you have no idea what she gave up to take care of you, and you won’t until you have kids of your own. Moms are the most selfless people in the world, I think. I know I appreciate my mom and what she did for us so much more than I ever did.

Thank goodness for mommy friends who understand.

Thank goodness for mommy friends who understand.

This is definitely not my deepest or most eloquent blog. I am super tired right now, and my brain is basically mush (that’s what Clifford and Sesame Street will do to you). But, I think it’s an important subject to bring up. We need to appreciate our moms more, for sure. But on the same note, moms need to appreciate this time with their babies too. I can’t believe that J is already almost a year and a half, and I know G will grow up just as quickly. Although this time in my life is exhausting, it will be over before I know it. So, I will appreciate this time in my life, and find joy in the chaos, and relish their babyhood. And someday, I hope they will appreciate everything that I’ve done for them, and realize how much I really do love them. (And if they don’t, I do have pictures to prove it.)

Insomniac.

It’s amazing what pregnancy does to you. I mean, I’ve always been a night owl, but I love sleeping. (I have such exciting hobbies.) But, I cannot sleep at night to save my life anymore. If I’m not getting up at least 5 times a night to use the bathroom, I’m having weird dreams, or tossing and turning, or sweating my butt off. Tonight I just gave up. I laid there for awhile, thinking of everything I have to get done in the next few weeks, trying to plan my future sister in law’s bridal shower gift, and thinking about how freaking hot this apartment is, and I just thought “screw this, I’m getting on the computer.” So I’ve been sitting here reading other people’s blog posts and trying not to bust out laughing and wake up my husband. The baby is apparently an insomniac too, because he’s rolling around in there and generally just causing Mommy extreme discomfort. I really wish I had some sort of X-Ray machine to see what he does in there. He’s crazy. This afternoon he was super active, and my belly was moving around all over the place–which is super weird by the way. It’s like something from an alien movie. Hopefully he will be cuter than an alien. 😉

I can’t believe that he will be here sooner rather than later. I’m 33 weeks now, so only 7 until “full term” and technically I could go in 4 if he decides to surprise us early. I’d totally be ok with early, as long as it’s not THAT early. Buuut, considering school starts September 3, I’d love for him to be here a little sooner than expected. I’d like at least a couple weeks to spend time with him before our lives turn into total chaos.

So this post is fairly pointless. But I mean, it’s 3:36 AM so you can’t expect much. I’m just running out of things to do online, and I’m still not tired enough to fall asleep. Also I think I have heartburn so I don’t really want to lay down. I might just put on Netflix and fall asleep on the couch. Thankfully I don’t have much to do tomorrow, besides spend all day on the phone with my insurance (sooo excited for that. Not really). I’ll take a nap when they inevitably put me on hold. However, the good news is: once I take care of the insurance, and get in touch with a pediatrician, the really annoying stuff that has to be done before J gets here will pretty much be done. After that, it’s just little things that need taken care of, and the “nesting” type stuff. I did a little of that today. I sorted out all his clothes that are size newborn, so he can wear them right away before he grows out of them, and hung them up in the closet. They are so cute, the tiny little outfits on their tiny little hangers. 🙂 I cannot wait to dress him in them. And snuggle him. I’m really looking forward to some quality snuggle time with my baby boy. I think about that and I still can’t believe I’m going to be a mom. I had a moment of panic the other night–another pregnancy insomnia night. Luckily my BFF was awake too and texted me through it, lol. I just still feel like a teenager sometimes. How in the world am I going to take care of a baby? I have no idea what I’m doing. Yes, I have 3 years of daycare experience, and countless hours of babysitting, but raising your own kid is a whole different story. I can’t even decide on a carseat for him. Okay, I have to stop or else I’ll freak myself out again.

I guess I should try to get some sleep. Although now I’m hungry, so I might have to eat first. All I do is eat, sleep and go to the bathroom now, I’m pretty sure. I’m like a baby myself, haha.