ETA: For some reason, this never posted. I wrote it in April, but it’s just now getting posted in June. 🙂
So, it has been a looong time since I’ve posted anything. However, things have been a little crazy around here, and I’m sure most of you can understand why–A and I are becoming parents! We found out about our new little addition a few weeks before Christmas, so since then it’s just been a whirlwind of baby stuff, family stuff, school stuff, work stuff…we’ve been busy!
It’s crazy for me to think about becoming a mom. I am super excited, but it’s definitely a whole new world for me. From now on, A and I will never NOT be parents. No matter what happens, we will always be a mom and dad. We have been through a lot of things in the short time that we’ve been married (almost 4 years now!)–deaths in the family, moving, financial issues, school stress, etc. But this is a completely different road for us. It’s a very sobering thought. Parenting is such a huge responsibility and there are times when it will hit me all of a sudden, like “omg, I have to raise this tiny human!” I do have my moments where I wonder how in the world I’m going to do this. But it’s also such an honor. God picked us to love and raise and care for this little boy that’s coming into the world. So I know that if God wants us to do this, He will help us through it.
It’s amazing how much I already love my little boy and I haven’t even “met” him yet. During our ultrasound, I had tears in my eyes from seeing his 10 little perfect fingers and 10 tiny cute toes. He already has such a great personality. He “waved” at us during the ultrasound and kept doing the cutest things, like covering his face with his hands. I swear he already knows his name too. When we talk about him, I can feel him jumping and kicking around. I think he’s already excited to come out! He seems like such a fun little boy already and I can’t wait to snuggle him and read to him and play with him. I can’t wait for the day he brings me dandelions he picked for me in the yard, or to see him playing catch with his daddy, or to hang his beautiful Crayola scribbles up on the fridge.
Sometimes it scares me a little to think of raising a child in this day and age. Things seem so dangerous and scary. There’s shootings and bombings and murders. And even on a “smaller” scale, there’s bullying and self-esteem issues and kids being bombarded with sexual images when they’re way too young. How in the world can I protect baby J from all of this stuff? I have to realize that I can’t. I can only trust God that He has His hand over all of us, and that He will lead us and keep us safe. And I have to be honest–I was slightly relieved to find out we were having a boy, just for the sole purpose of not having to worry about my little girl dressing too sexy or thinking she needs to diet when she’s only 8. Obviously, boys come with their own issues, but I’m not sure that I can handle all of the emotional issues that come with girls right now, lol.
So, it’s been a little crazy trying to finish school this semester and work and get ready for baby. Really, I feel like I’m not prepared at all for him. But hopefully once school gets out I’ll have more time to focus on getting things ready for his arrival. One thing that has been awesome is just seeing how blessed this kid is already! People just keep giving me things for him, haha. He has so many clothes and he’s not even born yet. We don’t even have a place to put them. But I love how God’s already showing me that He’s taking care of things. So thank you all who have already given me gifts or advice or support! We appreciate it all so much. 🙂