I never thought I would say this, but I miss having a job. I am so incredibly bored. Have you ever been so bored that you just completely lose motivation to do anything, so then when you do find something to occupy yourself, you just don’t even want to do it? I know, it’s pathetic, but that’s how I feel right now. I have about a gazillion books sitting on the shelf, waiting to be read….but there’s so many of them that I can’t decide where to start. Fiction? Non fiction? So confusing. So, I sit and continue to be bored. Such is my life now. My orientation at Cracker Barrel starts next week, which I am actually looking forward to. It’ll be nice to feel like I’m actually accomplishing something again. I have to go out and buy stuff for my uniform this week, which is, by the way, going to be one of the most unflattering work uniforms I’ve ever worn. But, I’ll get over it. Just can’t wait to finally be making money again! 🙂
Two other things I never though I would miss much-homework and running. Homework, because it would give me something to do, and also a sense of accomplishment. And also because I would know I was that much closer to graduating. I hate these breaks when I take a semester off, because I just feel like I’m wasting time. I want my degree, dang it! haha
I miss running because it cleared my head. As painful as it was, I always felt better afterwards. And sometimes during. It was a great stress reliever. It was a good time to just be alone with my thoughts and God. I could think things over, pray about things, or just escape into my music and not think about anything. That was the best part. I could have thoughts going through my head the whole time, or if I chose to, I could zone out. Sometimes just focusing on the beat of the music and the sound of my feet pounding the pavement was the best way to relax. I need to go running soon. Probably on a treadmill at the gym, but I’m ok with that. I just need to find a gym to go to soon.
I am starting to enjoy our new city more. I’m still not a big fan of driving, but I have more confidence. I was looking through an old journal the other day and I saw quite a few pages where I was talking (complaining really, although I hate to admit it) about how I just wanted to be done at MCC and be at USF getting things done, and be married to Alex. And I realized….wow. I’m there. Those things have all happened. I have my degree from MCC, I’m married to the love of my life, and God opened doors for us that we weren’t expecting to come up here to USF. As much as it felt like it was never going to happen back then, it did! It was cool, because it was like God showed me that so I could see that these puzzle pieces are all actually falling into place. And then I felt like He said “Ok, Kristin, you got it. This is what you wanted. Now how are you going to act?” So, it’s on to the next step. This is God’s plan for us, and I can really see that He is carrying it out. He got me through that time, so He’ll get me through this. And someday I can look back on this and see how my desires and His plan were carried out, and move on to the next step. So I realized I need to have a better attitude and just trust Him more, since ultimately, this is what I wanted. And that’s how God’s plan is anyway. We just keep moving on, going from step to step, glory to glory. It’s not until we’re finished with one step that we can see how He helped us through it. But that’s the way it’s supposed to be. That’s why faith and trust are so important in our walk with Him. Even when we can’t fully see the path, we have to trust that He’s leading us on it, and that He does know what He’s doing. We pass through one part of the plan, and go on to the next one. There is no stopping, there is no “arrival.” We will never “arrive” until we’re in Heaven. We just accomplish the goals He has set for us.
I have a feeling that God is going to be teaching me a lot these years that we are up here. I am finally open and willing to let Him do what He needs to do. I don’t want to waste the opportunity He has given me, and I want to make the most of this step so I can go on into the rest of His plan for me.